Tuesday, November 15, 2005

To Whom It May Concern

Dear makers of Crest "Glide" floss:

I am a big fan of flossing. I want you to know that right away. Heck, I floss EVERY day. Do most people do that?

I also have been using Crest toothpaste for practically my whole life. I like your paste and this Colgate is vile stuff. So, please, hear me out.

I tell you this because I have some complaints about your floss product.

1.) The packaging--I grant that the molded plastic exterior is "cool." The green color on my particular container (which I got free with a tube of paste, by the way) makes it stand out. But, the lid is hard to open. Please remember that I, and likely many others, floss in the morning when our bodies are still half asleep and our fine motor skills are still warming up.

2.) The floss--You are claiming on your website that your floss is coated to make it slide easier between teeth and provide less irritation on the gums. All of these things are helpful and if it makes more people floss, I can support you. BUT, what did you coat it with . . . space polymers? That stuff is TOO slippery. When I wind it around my fingers, it is too slippery to stay put while I jam it between my teeth. Can you back off the glide factor a wee bit? We don't need a complete lack of friction. Save that for the Space Shuttle's exterior, okay?

3.) Tensile strength--This may be a result of my holding onto the floss really hard (see complaint #2), but today, your product broke in half mid-floss, resulting in me smacking myself in the face in a cartoonish manner. I don't need such slapstick occurrences to wake me up in the morning, thanks. My two young daughters rumbling and grumbling about putting on their clothes provides quite enough stimulation. Please rectify this problem.

Thank you,

A Disgruntled Customer with Healthy Teeth and a Sore Cheekbone.


Sven Golly said...

While I laugh outloud, I share your consumer consternation. While "glide" makes for slick advertising appeal, it makes for a less effective product. A little friction is a good thing when it comes to gripping and moving said product back and forth across the surface of actual teeth. No friction, no flossing.

Hmm, taking that a logical step further, I think I'll try flossing with bailing twine. That should work twice as well. "Moving to Montana, gonna be a dental floss tycoon..."

flipper said...

Actually, my friend Christine told me a while back that you should never use Glide. (Funny how the topic of flossing comes up in conversation a lot more than you think it would.) She read that its slipperiness makes it not only inconvenient to use but also totally ineffectual. So throw away that crappy freebie container, burb, and find yourself some REAL floss!