Thursday, November 17, 2005

Silence Falls

I had a brief moment tonight . . . a small flash of insight or quietude or something.

Yesterday's audio post was somber and I have been feeling a bit out of sorts the last few days. My personal life is fine, but many around me are facing various struggles. It makes me realize that I am extremely blessed and I guess tonight I internally paused to appreciate that reality.

It was after dinner. I was downstairs in the basement sorting clothes, hoping to take advantage of my evening by doing some productive chores. Tegan and the girls were upstairs. Ruth and Ariel were eating their desert brownies and watching a little bit of The Lion King before heading upstairs to put on their pajamas and begin the bedtime transition.

I had my back to the door that divides the finished half from the unfinished "utility" half of our basement, sorting delicates from whites from colors, placing each in their respective laundry bins (the organizing and the sorting is the satisfying "pre-flight" prep before the laundry washing begins).

And then Ruth was there behind me; she said "Hello, Daddy" in her small, quiet voice. She had been unable to find Tegan upstairs and so felt it necessary to come down to the basement (I had left the main-floor door open) to give me the empty bowl that her brownie had once been in. And that was it. She turned and went back upstairs to watch more of her show.

My relationship with Ruth has, as you know, been rocky at times in the last year. But, it feels like we have turned a corner recently. We don't clash as much as we were doing a month ago and she is more willing to let me do things with her, whereas in the past, she often demanded Tegan over me.

After she delivered the bowl and left, I continued my sorting and reflected upon the atmosphere in the house; it was quiet, still. It felt really comfortable and relaxed. That is a wonderful feeling, and as much as yesterday's winter sky made me feel somber, tonight I recognized the other aspects of winter.

Winter encourages you to bundle up--in comfortable jeans, corduroy, or sweaters. These thick fabrics cushion you and provide a softness. It helps muffle sound and provides a thickness to the things around you. When it is cold, people pull inside. If the wind isn't blowing, you can really capture the stillness and recognize the quiet that is such a rare commodity in our world today. This is especially true if you go outside at night after a snowfall. The blanket of snow muffles sounds, all the animals are somewhere else, no one is running around outside. The lights bounce off the snow and there is silence.

I love that feeling of stillness, solitude, warmth--even when there are three other people in the house with you.

1 comment:

lulu said...

That was a lovely post, Burb. You are, indeed, lucky. Despite all my grumbling, I realize that I wouldn't want anyone else's life. OK, sometimes I wish I had their money . . . . ; )

And I love winter. The first time I ever remember hearing absolute quiet was after a blizzard that knocked out the power. I walked outside into the snow which was sparkling "by the light of the moon", and there was NO SOUND. I was in love. Remember that ice storm we had last year? So gorgeous, really, when you take the time to look. And then go back into the house and the enveloping warmth of the woodstove. Ahhhhhh.

And as for you and Ruth, I seem to remember voicing a similar concern last year, as Stevie was all about being with daddy. That has changed, for sure! He's MY cuddle bug now!