Well . . . that's probably not really true.

I am sure, if I wanted, I could find more to say. Just the other day I was formulating a response to Sven's post about havin' the blues. I was going to acknowledge that I know where he's coming from, but then I was going to make some sort of life-affirming pledge to be more upbeat and positive at work, to not let the workload get me down, to do my best every day and try to sleep soundly with the knowledge that I am doing what I can and if more is needed it is unreasonable, inhuman, and I shouldn't have to make that choice.

But that isn't very affirming, now is it?

Maybe it's because I also identify with Sven's reference to the Sufi whirlers. There have been days in which I feel that I am swirling around in my cube or twirling from one meeting to the next, from one task to the next, from one fire to the next, tamping down flameups and turning around to notice another one that has been building for a few days unbeknownst to me (and there is so much flammable paper surrounding my desk!).

But that wouldn't be very positive, now would it?

Possibly I am simply tired, since I left work around five, immediately drove to local High School #3 for Sarah's elementary school picnic (which was moved indoors due to the rain of recent days . . . naturally this evening was beautiful). We grabbed some potluck food and sandwiches, monitored the consumption of a great many desert choices, and listened to a bit of lite jazz patter/chatter.

Then I was off again--this time taking the girls to the Rec center for Sarah's swimming lesson. (Lynda headed home to begin solving Work Crisis #17.) Sarah worked on her swimming strokes while I watched Grace play on the playground equipment, which was conveniently located in the spacious dome-shaped interior of the Rec center vestibule, next to big windows overlooking the pool. So I watched Grace play with my right eye and watched Sarah swim with my left eye, occasionally sparing both eyes for the pretty late September sunset through the clerestory windows of the Rec center entrance.

Once home I began checking the bundles of pages that I had brought home to finish this evening. Both Lynda and I paused to watch one episode of Veronica Marsseason two, and then we retreated to our corners/computers to keep working. I resolved the issues that I wanted to handle tonight and now I'm wrapping up my evening with a quick blog entry.

(Maybe I'll see if there's something mindless on TV to scrub my brain clean before collapsing in the bed.)

It's raining steady and hard.

A very loud peal of thunder booms through the early morning sky.

I wake up, knowing the kids will be arriving soon.

Sure enough, footsteps coming down the hall, the door swings open and Sarah arrives. As she slides into the bed, Grace pushes the door open further and starts crawling in.

After a moment of shifting places and adjusting, it's clear that I'm now OUT of the bed.

"No storm should be THAT mad," Sarah says.

(It would be cute if I weren't the one that wasn't getting sleep in the bed anymore.)

Why couldn't we have had out new Queen set mattress delivered BEFORE the big storm woke everyone up?!

Now I'm stuck sleeping on the couch.

We all wore casual clothes at work today as it was the date of the annual Corporate Picnic. (I'm a big fan of the picnic--or as one of my more erudite and learned colleagues said, I'm a "picnic aficionado." I like it because you can get out of the Office into the bright sunshine, interact with your friends in a new, more relaxed setting, and I give myself permission to act stupid and relax even more than usual. I like to act stupid at these sort of casual events. Maybe, if I ever move up more in the company I'll get nominated for the dunk tank--something that I think I would accept with lots of excitement and would play it up good.)

But, back to the morning before the picnic itself. We were all wearing our jeans, t-shirts, sneakers. Everyone just seems more comfortable when we dress down. I can't prove it (and I know others have done the studies) but I really think people would be more productive if we got to wear jeans. It's not like our regular Office attire is rigid and Victorian, but people seem more accepting on casual days. But, then again, maybe it's the fact that these days come along occasionally that results in my mood observations? Yeah . . . That's probably it.

What isn't in dispute, however, is the odd devotion that some people in the Office have towards what is known as The Big Cups. I don't understand what these larger (18 oz? 20 oz?) styrofoam cups have that their more diminutive (8 oz? 12 oz?) brethren don't have, but some people just gotta have it!

I was refilling my coffee cup, thinking about the different casual uniforms that people adopt (more on THAT in a minute) when someone walked in, opened every drawer in the kitchenette, and muttered "No Big Cups" and then walked out. But there were approximately 12 smaller styrofoam cups stacked and waiting beside the coffee pot! Why can't you just put your drink in the smaller cups and come back when you need more? It'll be a fresher drink and you'll get some exercise in the process. It's not healthy to sit in your cube all day long!

Why the need for the Big Cup! Someone please explain!


But . . . back to casual uniforms. You get much needed glimpses into people's personality when they get the chance to switch up their work attire. A lot of the women in the Office (apparently) like hoodie sweatshirts. It is clear that everyone likes jeans and sneakers, but you can tell who is hip to the fashion by what kind of sneakers they wear. I usually favor one of my t-shirts (today I went with 70s Sci-Fi . . . my first one!!) or something like that. I feel it signals that I am hip to be square . . . or something. But then I wondered if I was trying too hard to be "youthful" and should accept the fact that I am almost 35 and haven't been in college in about a decade or so. Has this sort of clothing passed me by for good? Should I just go with casual polos and jeans on casual days? So many question yet to answer.

The Office picnic was pretty good, even if I didn't spend the rest of the afternoon there like I really wanted to. Lynda and I went for lunch and to relax in the sun for a bit. Then we both came back to the Office so we could try to get more work done (and we weren't alone, believe me). She then left to get the kids from school and daycare and I stayed to try and squeeze a bit more productivity out of this day.

Unfortunately, Lynda and I both blew one thing. We forgot that today was an Early Release Day at Sarah's school, meaning that she got out of classes an hour earlier. Just as Lynda was leaving the building, she got a phone call informing her of this fact. Sarah had been sitting in the school Office waiting. Now we look like "bad parents" in the eyes of the school . . . uncaring about the needs of our daughter . . . too wrapped up in our careers . . . forgetful . . . scattered . . . sigh. We still have to make more adjustments to this School thing, but it'll get worked out eventually.


I did have another interesting thing happen to me at the Office after the picnic. I was correcting a mistake on a page, using a White Out pen. As I opened the lid and began applying the correction fluid to the paper I had a powerful scent-memory, flashing back to my college job at the Georgia Southern University museum. Back then I worked mainly in the back Office, only acting as a tour docent when staff needs or the schedule of local school tours dictated. Mostly I kept up with records on the Office computers, organized the storage rooms and sometimes helped assemble exhibits. One of my most unusual jobs while working there, however, involved inventorying, marking, recording, and data processing the home contents of Mr. Jack Averitt. Mr Averitt was a prominent, retired businessman in Statesboro and had decided to donate his home's contents to the Museum upon the death of himself and his wife. Mr. Averitt and his wife had traveled extensively throughout their life and their home was filled with all sorts of items, tchotckes from from around the world, along with lots of china, furniture, expensive pottery vases, etc. At one phase of the project, it was my job to spend the day in his house marking each individual statue, vase, plate, wooden thingy, and everything else with a museum assigned number. (Mr. Averitt had already put together an extensive catalog of all the items, complete with descriptions of what it was, when it was purchased and where.) For each item, I had to put a small spot of White Out on an unobtrusive spot and then write the Museum number on the item. Once everything was done, I entered all of this information into the Museum's database.

Today's smell of White Out was exactly like the White Out I smelled during the afternoons sitting in a hard-backed chair behind a table in Mr. Averitt's sitting room. It smelled like White Out always smells, but it was mixed with some "old" kind of smell as well (possibly a mixture of Mr. Averitt's cologne and Mrs. Averitt's perfume?).

It was a good job at that point in my life, just like this job is a good one at this point in my life. I don't always like it, but does anyone always like their job? Again, back in college, I said at a scholarship interview that I wanted a job in which I would be happy going there 3 days out of 5. I think that is realistic . . . and I think over the course of my working here, I have easily surpassed that average. Right now . . . I'm sure to be below that benchmark, but "Life isn't a bed of Roses" and "Make Lemonade out of Life's Lemons" and all that.

I sometimes let my job define me, so when it's not going well, then I'm not going well. But I know that I am so much more than what I do at the Office each week (and a bit on the weekends, as needed). I am glad that my kids don't define me by my job and I am glad that Lynda knew me long before we worked together. And I hope that my friends and colleagues think of so much more than my productivity when they think of me at work.

I can feel it . . . the strange tenseness in my body, the repetitive phrases looping in my brain as the day goes on, the fog of anxiety wrapping me up throughout the day.

I am getting worried about my project again.

It was going well (so I though) a few weeks ago. I had about two weeks of steady sailing and progress. I thought the worst of the planning stage was behind me, some things were underway, and I figured I knew how to get the rest up and running.

Then the Big Mistake occurred and I've been discombobulated ever since. While my days are better than they were During the Realization of the Mistake and the Explanation of the Mistake and the Finding of all the Resulting Problems due to the Mistake, I have lost what slender confidence I had in my progress.

Now, at almost any time I can doubt what I am seeing, wonder what I am misinterpreting, dreading the Next Big Mistake (even if it never comes).

This is the sort of thing that I used to do when I was younger, an anxious school-ager worried on the night before the first day of school, worrying about classes I hadn't even entered, assignments I had not been given, projects that my siblings had done before me but I had not yet undertaken. This is why my mom and dad took me to a counselor for several months so that I could talk to him about my worries and prevalence for fearing the unknown.

I have never quite gotten over it and I understand that a certain amount of anxiety is what makes us get out of bed a give a shit about what other people think, but I don't want these next several months of work to consume me and make me think constantly about work, worry about working when I want to be having fun with my family, destroying my life outside of the work-a-day world. I don't want this to happen, though I am completely aware that it is happening to others around me.

I'm trying to get a grip.

Now I'm wrapping up my 2006 Fall TV Preview posts. You can read part one, part two, and part three first.

But all good things must come to an end and that means I'm ending with the newly formed CW Network, a hybrid of the best (?) shows from UPN and the WB.

For me that means Smallville. For others, it might mean America's Next Top Model or Gilmore Girls. Recently I've become a fan of Veronica Mars, so add that to my list.

But, let's go break it down day by day.

MONDAY

I've never liked 7th Heaven and I never will. So, there's nothing interesting for me at 8 pm. But you might like Runaway at 9 pm. Because, beneath the surface of this "normal" family, there's something else going on! Totally unexpected! Frankly, I'm a little afraid that the most innovative thing about this show is that it is set in Iowa.

TUESDAY

Surely this is the CW's strongest night, with Gilmore Girls on at 8, followed by Veronica Mars at 9. Gilmore is beloved by many, but it's creator, writer, producer, director, and guiding light Amy Sherman-Palladino is gone after a bit of a contract dispute with network honchos. Will the show be as good with her out of the picture? Some reports say that the actor are actually loosened up by her absence of auteurism. I'll leave it up to the fans to say yea or nea.

Speaking of fans, there is Veronica Mars. It is a show that has lots of people standing up to praise it--famous people like Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Kevin Smith (he had a small part in the season two premiere). But can the show actually draw enough viewership in its third season to stay alive? It seems that the actors are cautious in their optimism. Here's hoping from this person. Lynda and I are trying hard to zoom through season two on Netflix to catch up when season three begins in a few weeks.

WEDNESDAY

On this night we've got America's Next Top Model and One Tree Hill. Top Model might be FIERCE! but I'd rather watch Project Runway or Top Chef on Bravo. And One Tree Hill is something like The OC meets basketball with cheaper production values. Moving on . . .

THURSDAY

Now we're getting somewhere, because on this night we see the return of Smallville. The constant thrust of the HoYay! might not be there anymore, but it's still about Superman and it's still got Sexy Lex and it's still got Alison Mack. Plus this year, say hello to young Jimmy Olsen and the dude that will grow up to be the Green Arrow! Are you excited?!

But you could hang around after Smallville and watch Supernatural. It's sort of like The OC and the X Files (but without the pretty, pretty Gillian Anderson).

FRIDAY

The CW's Friday night show is such a letdown that I won't waste any more words on it:

SUNDAY

Lots of sitcoms on this night--Everybody Hates Chris, All of Us, Girlfriends, The Game, and a repeat of America's Next Top Model. Face it America, everyone is watching either Fox's animated comedy block or NBC's football. The CW should save their money . . . move Everybody Hates Chris to another night and show a test pattern.

***

So, now that I've gone through everything, you're wondering "Great Burb! Thanks for dropping all the knowledge on us. But what are YOU going to watch during the week?"

Well, here is my potential TV lineup:


Monday I might watch "How I Met Your Mother" @ 8:30, but it'll probably conflict with getting the kids in bed. So it'll be sporadic at best, I'm thinking. But I am definitely interested in "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" (NBC @ 10).

Tuesday I don't normally watch much TV on this night as we are usually driving back and forth from our Hilliard bible study group. But I'll be taping "Veronica Mars" (CW @ 9) and watching it before I go to bed.

Wednesday I'll most definitely be watching "LOST" on ABC @ 9 pm and might stick around to see if "The Nine" is at all interesting @ 10. But nothing else is Must See for me.

Thursday I am assuming that "Smallville" is now being broadcast at the same national timeslot all across the country now that UPN and the WB have merged. So that means I'll be taping that @ 8 pm while the kids are getting tucked in. Unfortunately, that means I won't be able to tape either "My Name is Earl" or "The Office" which are on NBC during that hour. And that is a shame, because I would LIKE to watch those shows. Maybe THIS will help? I didn't stay connected to CSI (CBS @ 9) this past season, but that is probably the only other show that I'd go out of my way to watch on this night. But, if I really want to watch CSI, I'll have to wait until 10 pm to watch the taped episode of "Smallville." It just begins to get too complicated, you know?

Friday Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Galactica, Battlestar Galactica . . .

Saturday Meh. Maybe I'll read books this night or do something constructive. Then again, maybe I'll watch football and stare at dust motes. Or maybe I'll play a card game with my lovely wife.

Sunday I try to watch "The Simpsons" now and again, but the show has lost its fastball in recent years. Plus, its on during that kid bedtime hour and I'm not going to devote my VCR to taping it.