Sunday, February 01, 2009

[no title]

Saturday marked  the end of the first month of the 365 Post Project. I'm frankly surprised that I made it through all of January, but the prospect of keeping it up for 334 more days is even more daunting.

But I guess I shouldn't think about it. Much like exercise, dieting, 12-Step programs, or any other repetitive endeavour, thinking about it increases the possibility of caving under the pressure. One must simply Abide in the moment and focus on the moment. Counting, becoming Aware leads to downfall. 

So, I'll just move on.

Saturday was not a great day for me. I just was not in a good, cheerful mood. Hannah and Grace were feeling ill and the snow and cold outside, combined with the fact of sick children conspired to severely limit the possibilities of things to do.

Also, Lynda was crushed with work and I tried (in an admittedly begrudging way) to keep Hannah--at least--away from her so that she could keep plugging. 

(I have my own work to do, but as I write this on Saturday night, I can easily feel my brain talking itself out of committing to sit down and do any of it. A decision for which I will pay on Sunday, I'm sure.)

And so, the weather, the sickness, the work obligations . . . it all just put me in a pisser of a bad mood all day long. I just didn't feel like I did anything like living today. I simply abided with those around me and turning around loads of laundry. And not in a calm, relaxing way. It was a rote, effectless sort of day.

Man, that sounds really, really bad. And I'm sure people will be disappointed by my voicing it. But that was how it was.

Hopefully, Today/Sunday will be better.

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