Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Jack Sparrow and the Cashew nut

I maintain that Johnny Depp is a talented actor, a principled person, and worthy of respect. Heck, he's even from my mother's home town of Owensboro, Kentucky! (saaaalute! to all you Hee Haw fans)

At least I maintained that until he sold his soul to star in Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl movie and its upcoming sequel Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (which two movies combined might have beaten out Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith--the Quest for the High Ground as the most unwieldy film titles in recent memory).

So, Johnny Depp still does arty films like Benny and Joon or The Libertine, but he is now tainted as well.

Don't misunderstand. I realize that MANY, MANY actors have done this--even Tobey Maguire, who started out in indies and more thoughtful movies only to hit the big time by putting on a superhero costume.

But Depp rose above his humble 21 Jump Street beginnings to be a "serious" actor. And he WAS serious, right? He was gloomy, cryptic, he moved to France. All the ladies loved him for his unapproachable, bad boy persona.

But then, he chose to do Jack Sparrow in PotC. And I admit he did a good job. He brought interest to the character. He was the most compelling thing to watch on screen. And he was rewarded by getting an OSCAR NOMINATION for it!

I also realize that the Oscars are always incorrect with their nominations--Russell Crowe for Gladiator instead of The Insider, Paul Giamatti for Cinderella Man instead of . . . oh wait he was ignored for American Splendor and Sideways--but to honor Depp for a Disney movie based on a theme park rather than for almost anything else he's ever done had to stick in his French cigarette-smoking craw, dontcha think?

Still, this is an old argument (Depp selling out) that I have made before and nobody cares anymore anyway.

Except that now I can show you THIS! THIS is sad, people.

But how does this relate to the Cashew nut, you ask?

Well, I think Depp and the Cashew are similar. They both live off of hype, generated by a brainwashed public.

Really, someone TELL me why the cashew nut gets the publicity that it has. Is it biochemically important? Can its antioxidents cure cancer or slow the onset of male pattern baldness?

Is it the pleasing curved shape that reminds us of the female hip?

I just don't get it.

Don't get me wrong (again). I enjoy cashews. I eat them. I think they taste better than, oh I don't know . . . the Brazil nut (which has a chalky, dry crumble-in-your-mouth quality).

But why do people go in paroxysms of glee when they find cashews near the bottom of the mix nuts can? Why do people go out of their way to pick out the cashews, so they can horde them?

I just don't get it.

The cashew nut must share Depp's agent.

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