Monday, January 16, 2006

My Golden Globes "live"blog

7: 39--Hey! It's going to be another edition of live blogging tonight. Up this time is tonight's telecast of the 2006 Golden Globes, that mish-mash of TV and cinema awards that serves as a warm up and indicator of the much more boring, predictable, and uptight Academy Awards.

I had not planned on doing anything with the GGs tonight. Frankly, I'd forgotten that they were being telecast, but I got an email plea while home today, and since I've got nothing else planned for the evening, no movie or book begging to be watched, and both kids in bed early . . . well, I don't really have an excuse outside of getting some sort of instant intestinal virus.

The telecast will be starting on NBC in about fifteen minutes . . . and I've already starting battling the typos. I've gotta get my battery fully charged and a good drink by my side. And then we'll see how an awards show stacks up against the second straight night of FOX's "24."

(DISCLAIMER: I call it live blogging in that I type it while watching. I don't plan on posting while I type. It would make my site look all messy tomorrow. So, it's "live" but you shouldn't be watching the show and checking me out at the same time. Tune in on Tuesday to see how I reacted to it as it happened. Call it instant history.)

8:00 pm--Here comes the red carpet; and we've had the first of what I am sure will be numerous Olympic commercials. Red carpet interviewers--Nancy O'Dell, Dean Cain (!), and someone else who's name I forgot. The hot name first interviewed is George Clooney--tonight's triple threat for director, actor, and producer. (Any mistakes that I make are not my fault as I am struggling to keep up and not make any typos either.

8:02 pm--Mariah Carey has tied Elvis for the most #1 singles?! Stop the world please! Something is seriously wrong . . . and I don't even like Elvis that much.

8:04 pm--Johnny Depp must be filming "Pirates of the Caribbean 2," because his voice on the red carpet sounded a bit like Captain Jack Sparrow. There was a bit of a strange lilt to it.

8:05 pm-- I'm gonna drop the "pm" soon. I'm already tired of it. And I wanted to make some point about someone or something, but the horrible song based on "Don'cha" made me loose my whole train of thought.

8:08--Got sidetracked by a phone call right as I was getting started, but George Clooney gets the first award of the night as Best Supporting Actor for "Syriana." And Paul Giamatti gets his first snub of the night, both in the voting and as mentioned by Clooney. And Clooney also also makes the first political attack of the night, against Jack Abramoff. Not very funny, but topical.

I still can't get used to Princess Amidala with short hair. But it looks like Adrien Brody took all of the hair she cut off and stuck it randomly on his head. And the award for Best Supporting Actress goes to Rachel Weisz for her role in "The Constant Gardener." So that's two movies that I haven't seen yet. Her speech sound like a warm up for the Oscars, and isn't' very exciting. Come on people, don't you know the GGs are the fun awards?!

8:17--second Olympics commercial. Did you know the 2002 team inspired America? Yep. But back to the awards and the first LOST nominees (Best Supporting Actor in TV Series or Miniseries) Naveen Andrews. He's up against heavyweights like Donald Sutherland and Paul Friggin' Newman. Of course Newman (an American institution, by God) wins and isn't there.

Whoa! Superman sighting! Brandon Routh and Teri Hatcher team up to award Best Supporting Actress in TV Series or Miniseries. Most of these shows and miniseries I haven't seen/don't watch, but Sandra Oh wins for "Grey's Anatomy." Another snub at Paul Giamatti? I'm gonna interpret it as such. And she must have been drinking too much of the fuc*ing merlot because she got lost on her way to the stage and had to weave through the chairs. And while she's the first funny moment of the night, she's also sad and ineffectual while giving her acceptance speech. It's just me I guess, but if I was a nominee who lost, I'd like to see the winner get up there and be smooth and clearheaded with their verbal smackdown of my work.

8:27--Drew Barrymore wearing an unfortunate dress. (As Lynda said "Get a bra!") But she is here to nominate the first Best Picture nominee "Good Night, and Good Luck," a movie that I should go see and wonder when I will.

Wait, did someone say that "Poseidon" was an upcoming movie? Really? Is it a remake? But some comely young lass that will be starring in it is here to introduce the Hollywood Foreign Press Association that sponsors the GGs. He must be the guy writing all the banter, because he delivers it with a dryness that is suitable for a martini.

And the winner for Best Actress (TV drama)? I'm betting Kyra Sedgewick for "The Closer." I'm wrong! Geena Davis for "Commander in Chief." I am surprised by that choice, honestly. I haven't watched that show either and I bet, based upon the distance she had to walk to get on stage, no one else expected her to win either. Clearly, Geena doesn't have a speech ready either, but she does make a plug that women ought to be president someday by making up some fictitious girl who wanted to be president talking to her outside the theater. You should be impeached for that tissue of lies! And lay off the fuc*ing merlot, Geena. And also prepare a better speech. You'll never get reelected if you ramble on like this at press conferences President Davis.

8:35--The winner for Best Actor (TV Drama). It's all about doctors--Patrick Dempsey on "Grey's Anatomy," Jack on LOST, Dr. House, the dude on "Prison Break," and Keifer Sutherland for "24." But the winner goes to Hugh Laurie for "House," the show everyone loves and I don't. Plus, LOST is getting completely ignored!!!!

(You can tell Hugh Laurie is British because he says "trouser pocket.")

8:43--Melanie Griffith has a tattoo on her shoulder but I can't read what it says. She is here to announce something called Miss Golden Globe? What is this? Oh, its a chance to announce that her DAUGHTER is the winner? But they are also here to announce also the first Comedy movie--"The Producers." Also, it seems that her daughter doesn't do anything but stand there while Melanie rambles on and on.

(You know . . . the entire auditorium seems awfully small. And the whole affair here seems to be a bit unprepared and slip shod. But maybe I just expect too much. And also, the announcer who is announcing the Best Miniseries is far too chipper for some of the subject matter. You can't talk about a terrorism movie like "Sleeper Cell" in the same jovial, happy-go-lucky tone that you use for something like "Empire Falls." And that's the winner by the way, in case you wanted to know. Did anyone watch it? It had a great cast--Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Ed Harris, Helen Hunt, and Paul Newman,)

Best Actor in TV series or Comedy--Please let it be "Scrubs" Zach Braff!! Please! But it'll either go to Jason Lee or Steve Carrell. Yep, Steve Carrell is certifiably smoking hot these days. He might be able to walk on water right now. Let's hope that all the great treatment that NBC lavishes on "Scrubs" will assuage Braff's pain. (Oh, wait, they never help out that show.) But, give it to Carrell. His "speech written by his wife" was funny.

8:53--Commerical break. Whew, I get to give my fingers a rest. Hey . . . hasn't it been a while since we heard about the Olympics? Yes, it has. But I can tell you that Saab has the worst slogan around . . . Born From Jets. That sucks!

8:57--Tim Robbins is here to nominate "The Constant Gardener." But that probably won't give him any time to lambast the Bush Administration. And that's probably how the cowards at NBC wanted it.

Jamie Foxx is next up, ready to award Best Actress in Motion Picture, Musical, or Comedy. (You know, I hate the GGs because the category titles are too long and hard for me to type.) I don't think there is any doubt that Reese Witherspoon will win here. And I was right, no doubt. Plus, she's sitting right beside the stage, so it was fully expected. She gave a nice, heartfelt speech to her husband, who is apparently an actor . . . but she never mentions him by name and so it's not clear (I know who he is by the way).

Chris Rock is here to nominate Best Actress in a TV Comedy and just about everyone is from "Desperate Housewives." And I think that Mary Louise Parker is not feeling sorry for herself as much as she is hating all of the ladies on "DH." But yeah! Mary Louise won for "Weeds." And all of us that have grown tired of "DH" (already!) is happy about this. And Mary Louise is clearly enjoying sticking it to the ladies of "DH" as well. So, you go Mary Louise Parker. She had to put up with condescending remarks masquerading as humor from Chris Rock, but she deserves it. It's like when Texas Western beat the University of Kentucky in the 1960s, you know? "Glory Road," right? You know that movie right?

9:06--Is it an Olympics commercial? Sort of. It's a commercial for Chevy, by way of the Olympics. But time for a drink break.

On yeah! The best commercial of the night was Zach Braff trying to talk to Steve Carrell in the bathroom while Donald Faison (Turk) steals the Golden Globe from underneath the bathroom stall with a walking stick. That's right, "Scrubs," Tuesday nights at 9 on NBC.

9:20--Back from a brief break in which I transferred some chinese food into more airtight containers to keep the smell at bay in the refrigerator. I missed two awards, but I don't think they matter too much. You can read about it on some other blog that is doing a better job than I am.

9:25--Crap. I was perusing the actual live blog posts over at and almost missed an Olympics commercial. Did you know it was coming to the Networks of NBC this February? Well, it is! And did you further know, that this is America's BEST TEAM EVER?! It totally is.

Now we're back and the nominee for "Match Point" is up. It looks good in the sense that it doesn't look at all like a Woody Allen film . . . and Scarlett Johansen is easy on the eyes also.

Now nominees for Screenplay Motion Picture. It should go to Clooney for "Good Night, Good Luck" but might go to "Munich" or "Brokeback Mountain." Harrison Ford awards it to "Brokeback Mt." which lost out in its other nomination of the night so far . . . Best Supporting Actress for that chick that used to be on "Dawson's Creek." (Michelle Williams, right, that's her.) We'll see if "Brokeback" picks up steam as the night goes on. And we've still got half a show to go . . . whew!

Oddest moment of the night so far . . . Larry McMurtry thanks his typewriter. The Golden Globes ARE unpredictable!

9:35--Best TV Series, Musical, or Comedy goes to "Desperate Housewives." I can't really say if this is deserved or not, since I started losing interest in it near the end of last year and have almost entirely taken a vacation from it this year. I would have liked "My Name is Earl " to win, but it was worth it just to see Teri Hatcher try to take over the mike and then see Felicity Huffman back there shooting daggers into Teri's back. The overall response in the room was mostly underwhelming and I think, awards or not, the bloom is off the rose for that show. But I'm not paid to be an expert.

9:39--It seems that Sarah Jessica Parker is doing nothing but romantic comedies these days. And I bet they all stink. But she is here with Matthew McConaughey ("Failure to Launch," coming soon!) to announce that "Paradise Now, Palestine" has won for best Foreign Language Film. I'll leave any reaction to that win to Jack Thunder, who could give a much more informed opinion on this and the other nominees than I could.

9:46--Aw, while they were introducing the nomination of "A History of Violence" I noticed that Pierce Brosnan has shaved his funky "Matador" goatee. That's too bad, because he looked quirky and fun in that beard. Also . . . did Viggo Mortensen just kiss a man in the audience? It was on the cheek, and not that there is anything wrong with that, but I just wondered.

John Williams just won for Best Soundtrack "Memoirs of a Geisha." Does this guy even write speeches any more? Obviously not, since his remarks lasted about ten seconds. I think he needs to build a separate wing to house all of his awards . . . just like Mariah Carey needs to build a separate wing to house her breasts that are threatening to burst out of her "dress."

Did you know that Alanis Morissette performed a song for "The Chronicles of Narnia?" Well, it doesn't matter because the song from "Brokeback Mt." won for Best Song, so suck it Alanis! You weren't right for a fantasy movie anyway--though the White Witch looks like she might understand a bit about "You 'Oughta Know."

9:52--As we go to commercial, and as the announcer tells us that Gwyneth Paltrow will be awarding the Lifetime Achievement Cecil B. DeMille award to Anthony Hopkins, we see Gwyneth sitting at her table talking to someone. The male someone reaches out and fingers the lacy ruffle of her dress shoulder. I imagine that she is discussing how her daughter Apple threw up on it before the telecast and luckily the waiters at the arena provided some club soda to clean it up. Hey, it coulda happened that way.

Since Anthony Hopkins is coming up and I don't want to hear him ramble about how insignificant his career has been, I'll take this opportunity to stretch my legs, go to the bathroom, and plug in the laptop to give the battery a quick charge for the home stretch.

Back in a bit. . .

10:13--Clint Eastwood awards the Best Director Motion Picture. It goes to "Brokeback Mountain's" Ang Lee. And while that might be totally deserved, it will never, EVER erase the horrible taste that "The Hulk" left in my mouth. Damn you for that Ang Lee. But, congratulations on the award for "Brokeback." He says that he has seen and loved so many of his competitor's films (which included "Match Point," "Munich," "King Kong," "The Constant Gardener," and "Good Night, and Good Luck"). So, while he stated that he "enjoyed" these films, I choose to believe that he isn't really including "King Kong" in this list.

10:17--John Travolta awards Best Actor Motion Picture, blah, blah, and blah. The award goes to Joaquin Phoenix for "Walk the Line." He should give part of his award to Jamie Foxx for last year's "Ray" win, but that is my own personal soapbox. I have heard nothing but nice things about the movie and Joaquin's performance. Ryan Philippe tries to upstage Joaquin's speech by indicating that J. owes him (Ryan) money for losing a bet. Or maybe he is indicating that his own film career is going nowhere fast and is asking Joaquin for a hand-out. THAT ought to embarrass Reese. But I guess it works for their marriage.

Joaquin strikes me right now as a kindler and gentler, more approachable version of Sean Penn. And for that, I salute him.

10:25--Tim McGraw appears, wearing his enormous black hat made (apparently) of leather. A quick shot of Chris Rock looking bemused and shocked, possibly composing a joke or two. But, no, he's only here to nominate "Walk the Line" as one of the Best Picture films.

Now Renee Zelwegger is here to award Best Motion Picture, Musical, or Comedy. It would seem that "The Producers" should win since it fits nicely into each slot in that cumbersome category. But, the actual winner is "Walk the Line." I don't think that any film or show or anything has been a "big winner" tonight. While "Walk the Line" has been gathering steam through the night, I wonder if it will be seem as the behemoth heading into the Oscar race? I notice that traditional powerhouses like Steven Spielberg and "Munich" haven't gotten nary a sniff of the stage. Will it overcome its political storyline to achieve big later? Will the same hold true of "Good Night, and Good Luck?"

Commercials . . . breathe . . . almost done . . . flex fingers. (A very brief Olympic logo promo.)

10:34--The cast of "Will and Grace" make their last appearance together and they are here to award Best TV Series Drama. The challengers are "Commander in Chief," "Grey's Anatomy," "LOST," "Prison Break," and "Rome."

The winner was LOST! Hurray! I notice that many of the Tailies are also on stage tonight, though I think this award is as much for last year as for anything this year. So, why should they be involved? I wonder if Dom Monighan sat with Peter Jackson at all during the night? And Damon Lindelof did all the talking, but I don't think he gave any further hints on what's going on with The Numbers. But maybe if you add up his words, the syllables are 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42?

10:40--Leo Decaprio sighting! He's here to award the Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama to Felicity Huffman, who's performance is the closest thing to the unstoppable "Return of the King" item in this awards season. She's is sure to get an Oscar for her performance in "Transamerica." I wonder if she will thank the "DH" crew for giving her the exposure that might have helped her get the role? I don't know and maybe she shouldn't, but it surely will get dredged up in the gossip columns if she doesn't, right?

Oh well, she did fit them in at the end, after saluting her husband (noted character actor Bill Macy) and right before the music blew her off--the stage, I mean.

10:48--Hillary Swank is here to award the Best Actor Motion Picture Drama. The nominees are Russell Crowe ("Cinderella Man"), Philip Seymour Hoffman ("Capote"), Terence Howard ("Hustle and Flow"), Heath Ledger ("Brokeback Mt."), David Strauthern ("Good Night and Good Luck"). PSH wins for "Capote" as most indicators guessed that he would. I wonder if he'll have legs to make a similar splash at the Oscars?

Best Picture Drama award coming up after these commercials! Stay tuned.

. . .

Was the wait long enough for you?

10:55--Here comes Denzel Washington, ready to award to one of these nominees: "Brokeback Mt.," "Constant Gardener," "Good Night and Good Luck," and "Match Point." (I think I left one out . . .)

Anyway, "Brokeback Mountain" won. I really should go see a lot of these movies, none of which I have seen. And I've even got some theater gift certificates.

So, there you go everyone . . . this year's Golden Globes. Was it like being there?


Sven Golly said...

Breathless, edge-of-seat, riveting suspense! If my cube had caught fire while reading this "live" commentary, I wouldn't have noticed. The people want more!

David said...

Portman apologist!

Sure she's cute and all, but are you gonna say she was also the "best thing" about Revenge of the Sith?

(Actually, I have no valid point . . . I just wanted to type the phrase "Portman apologist.")