Sunday, September 06, 2009

The CW Fall 2009 TV preview post

A classic Silver Age "gag" cover bas...[I love this cover!]

In an unorthodox move, I am going to start my review of the Fall with the CW. Why them? Well, as I said at lunch one day within the last two weeks, every year, I pick (at least) one show that I choose to heap scorn upon and predict its demise.

Last year, it was ABC's Cavemen. A few years before that it was NBC's Whoopi. Easy targets, sure. But I think they were worthy targets nonetheless. Neither one lasted the year, and I choose to attribute their failures to incredibly bad judgement on the part of the network.

This year, I am starting with the CW because they are launching a "new" show this week that I am placing firmly within my scorn sites--Melrose Place. It will probably end up being as successful as the relaunch of 90210 was, but that won't stop me from ridiculing the idea whenever I get the opportunity.

So, here we go--

One Tree Hill [premiere 9/14] is on at 8 pm and Gossip Girl [premiere 9/14] is on at 9 pm. Beyond that is Local Programming, which in this area means local news. Is anyone watching One Tree Hill anymore? Does anyone even remember what the show is about? I have never watched two minutes of the series, but I know from magazines that it used to be about basketball and now is spinning off into weekly madness that sounds somewhat like a soap opera. I'm never interested. People used to tell me to watch Gossip Girl, but I think that was mostly because it featured a blogging character in the beginning. I never watched . . . and I suspect that the blogging plot hook was quickly dropped in favor of more focus on rich kids in fabulous clothes making poor life choices. Someone tell me, am I wrong?

FUN FACT--The TV Guide Web site that I consulted to find the premiere episode date of Gossip Girl was also displaying a DVD for a Christian-themed DVD entitled "Lamb of God." Why? Who knows? But it won't change the immoral action of the kids on that show. Spinning it in a religious direction would certainly be an unexpected plot twist, huh?

It's all nostalgia Tuesday night! Your blast into the past begins with another season of 90210 [premiere 9/8] at 8 pm. This is another show that I have never watched, in either its original or its updated incarnation. I guess I don't have much interest in a show that focuses on the lives of the wealthy and boring (unless they have superpowers or something). But with character names like Adrianna and Silver, you might find something to like I guess. However, why not watch, just so you can get yourself in the right frame of mind for the series premiere of Melrose Place [premiere 9/8] at 9 pm? Were you a fan of the original, a series about people who lived in the same apartment complex and who's lives got all intertwined and stuff? It's biggest claim to fame was resurrecting the career of Heather Locklear and pushing her to (maybe) fame's B-list. But here is a synopsis of the reboot show's plot (via

The CW's remake of the soapy '90s melodrama features many familiar archetypes: the brooding bad boy, the nice couple, and the powerful bitch, to name three. The new show departs from its source material with a mystery storyline concerning a dead body that appears, Sunset Boulevard-style, in the apartment complex's pool.

Kinda sounds a bit like Veronica Mars to me. Any viewers who tune in should be so lucky.

FUN FACT--How long do you figure it will be before Ms. Locklear returns to the new Melrose in a much ballyhooed and promo'd way? Will they wait all the way until May sweeps at the end of the season?

America's Next Top Model [premiere 9/9] returns once more at 8 pm. Are you surprised to hear that I haven't watched this show either? Are you beginning to wonder why I am qualified to ever spend this much time writing on TV I don't watch? Well, it's because I have made this a part of my blogging repertoire ever since the first year I started this blog back in 2004 (back when The CW battled for viewership with a crazy network called UPN). Leaving that aside, I know reasonably intelligent people who actively watch ANTM every week. So, it must feature some sort of entertainment--though I suspect that entertainment is mostly due to a healthy dose of Crazy Tyra Banks. (Still, making fun of Tyra has give Joel McHale a career--more on him in another post, though.) A new show makes it's debut Wednesday night at 9 pm. The Beautiful Life: TBL [premieres 9/16] is looking to ride the fashion-based coattails of Tyra by setting the drama around two models trying to make their way in the fashion business. I know that the corpse of Misha Barton washed up on this show after the demise of The O.C. and the other notable name that I see is Corbin Bleu (of High School Musical fame). What I'm really intrigued by, however, is the redundant name of the series. Are they trying to steal from quality karma from the CSI shows?

FUN FACT--it must (?) be noteworthy that this 13th season of ANTM features all of the models at a height of 5 ft. 7 in. or less. Will America applaud?

Have you heard of Twilight? Are you aware that vampires are so hot right now? Because they are. Do you think True Blood is quality television? Well, maybe you'll tune in for the series premiere of The Vampire Diaries [premiere 9/10] at 8 pm. You can guess that it will feature brooding, longing looks, tortured sexual innuendo that suddenly bursts forth in inappropriate ways! Does that sound good? Wound you be swayed if I told you that LOST (season 1) veteran Ian Somerhalder is on the show? No? What if I told you that I think Somerhalder plays an evil vampire who is brother to the tortured one trying to be good? Still no? Well then, why not try Supernatural [premiere 9/10] at 9 pm. It also features brothers who deal with demons, the occult, and odd stuff. This show has been on the air for a few years and Lynda claims the few episodes that she has watched to be "good." But she also likes the original British version of Dr. Who.

FUN FACT--It is somehow important for the TV Guide synopsis of Supernatural to point out that the demon-fighting brothers travel around the country in a '67 Impala. Is that somehow vital to the plot in a way I've never understood? Is there a Stephen Kingish "Christine" thing going on here?

For me, here is the only show on The CW that I am watching. As in years past, that show is Smallville [premiere 9/25] at 8 pm. I've seen the trailer for season 9 (nine!!) and it looks dark, brooding, angry, and sad. The show was once bright, fun, and full of cheesy good cheer. But I guess being a superpowered teen in Kansas was a major bummer for our Clark Kent. Either that or he took 9/11 really hard a few years back. The only character still on from the early years is my favorite non-canon character of Chloe Sullivan. Once Clark's oft-overlooked love interest and always a bit of geeky sex appeal, she hangs on now because . . . well, I don't know. Her husband, James (don't call me "Jimmy") Olsen, tried to break up with her last season due to extreme jealously and general idiocy. But they are trying to make amends. Clark's biggest superpower remain his willingness to overlook what a terrible character the show has created for Lois Lane and perhaps it is this that makes him unwilling to fly. But, like a crack addict, I'll be back again this year. Will it be the last?

FUN FACT--The CW acknowledges that nobody with a social life is watching it's network on Friday nights at 9 pm, so it will be showing reruns of the ANTM episode it showed earlier in the week.
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