Thursday, September 10, 2009

CBS Fall TV 2009 Preview post

Tonight is the last of the major networks. But can I write this while I am watching Glee on FOX? (That's right, health care, you can suck it tonight!) How can I properly process and type about the different sitcoms and dramas on the Tiffany Network while trying to block out the jazz hands?


The network kicks off with How I Met Your Mother [premieres 9/21 @ 8 pm], season 4. (Or is it 5? I really should know . . . Damn the jazz hands!) Well, anyway, last season everyone thought that Ted was going to marry Sarah Chalke's semi-recurring character but it didn't turn out that way. So the quest for the mom and the yellow umbrella is still going. I think the most controversial move last season (other than much absence from a then-pregnant Allison Hannigan) was the attempt to de-awesome Barney. Yeah, much like they neutered the Borg on Star Trek, they tried to give Barney dimension last season. I am against this, as I think Barney is excellent as he is. He can lust after Robin, but making him pine after her is a waste of his character's special qualities that make him distinctive. [end rant]

Accidentally on Purpose [premieres 9/21 @ 8:30] markes Jenna Elfman's triumphant return to TV and this time she is a go getter who accidentally gets pregnant from a one-night stand. If you're thinking Knocked Up, then maybe you've got a career in television programming!

Two-and-a-Half Men is back on again and it premieres probably on 9/21 @ 9 pm, but I'm not going to look it up because people will watch it no matter what I say. So, there you go. I have no power and I can't do anything to derail the lackluster viewing choices of the American public. Why don't we all bring back Cavemen and each ultra mega cheeseburgers until we die from heart attacks?

The Big Bang Theory [premieres 9/21 @ 9:30] is a show that slowly has grown to impress me in its premise and quality of writing. True, I don't watch it much, but I always feel bad about not watching it afterwards. So, if you don't want to second guess your choices on Monday nights--and you want something to watch besides football, you could be doing a lot worse than this. And I think I just demonstrated the idea of "damning with faint praise."

CSI: Miami [premieres 9/21 @ 10 pm]. The way I see it is . . . you either like CSI: and its geographical spinoffs or you are not. I'm not going to spend my time trying to tell you how to be. I'm just going to link to this video . . . because it is hilarious!


I'll admit that I don't watch many shows on CBS outside of HIMYM and (when I don't want to feel ever present gnawing guilt) The Big Bang Theory. So, you won't be surprised that I don't watch NCIS [premieres 9/22 @ 8 pm] or it's new spin off NCIS: Los Angeles [premieres 9/22 @ 9 pm]> I have grown to stop watching acronym'd shows on the Tiffany Network, such as CSI:. So, why would I start watching NCIS or NCIS: LA? Now, if someone would make a show called AXRG: RI (which stands for America Crosses Red Grange: Rhode Island), I'd watch that show!

Or maybe I'll think about watching The Good Wife [premieres 9/22 @ 10 pm]. I remember watching Julianna Marguilles back when she was one of the stars of the original ER show so many years ago. Now she is a attorney who left the working world to be a stay at home mom. Forced back into the workaday world by a criminal husband she competes against younger talent, etc, etc.


The New Adventures of Old Christine [premieres 9/23 @ 8 pm] has worked out being the surprise comeback vehicle for Julia-Louis Dreyfuss. She is the only Seinfeld alum to find gainful employment (and I happen to like the microwave food commercials she is doing). So, good for her!

Gary Unmarried, [premieres 9/23 @ 8:30] Criminal Minds, [premieres 9/23 @ 9 pm] and CSI: NY [9/23 @ 10 pm] might be fine shows (though I have my doubts with the first one), but--in a refrain that I've typed a lot lately--I don't watch them. Still, Criminal Minds does feature Thomas Gibson, who used to be on Dharma & Greg with Jenna Elfman--who is back on TV (see above). Too bad they aren't competing against each other on the same night.


Survivor: Samoa [premieres 9/17 @ 8 pm], CSI: [premieres 9/24 @ 9 pm], and The Mentalist [premieres 9/24 @ 10 pm] are still going on. Can you believe that Survivor has entered it's 19th season? And CSI is entering into it's 9th or 10th season I think. The Mentalist is in its 2nd or 3rd season. As I think I've said in the past, I watched half of Survivor's 1st season and its 2nd season. But somewhat like CSI: I just lost interest. (Kind of like you are losing interest in this post and it drags on and I am not providing any captivating content to keep you around. I blame the Beatles Anthology documentary that I am watching more avidly than I am typing. So . . . I'll stop this writing for tonight and pick it up again when I feel like trying to pay attention.)

[much later . . . as in the next night kind of later . . .]

Okay, where was I? Right . . . CBS . . . Thursday night. Done.

Does anyone watch Ghost Whisperer [premieres 9/25 @ 8 pm]? I've never even tried to give it a shot and I'm not opposed to these sorts of premises, am I? Honestly, the only time I read about the show it's usually some boorish dude making a crack about Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts. Yeah.

And then there is Medium [premieres 9/25 @ 9 pm] following this show. First, NBC dumped it--and if NBC dumped it (when they can't seem to find any good programming) then you wonder what is good about it. But the production company that made it is owned by CBS, so there is a reason. Still, creating a Friday Night Boo Block of Ghost Whisperer/Medium is kinda weird, no? Why not go all out, bring in The Mentalist at the 1o pm slot and try to see if every show each week can revolve around Harry Houdini seances or something.

Instead, you get complete tonal whiplash when Numbers [premieres 9/25 @ 10 pm] comes along instead. This show is still about a cop/FBI agent who uses his kid brother's numerical genius to fight crime. And I still don't care.

8 pm--repeats. Of what? Who knows . . . and probably no one cares as Saturday is--as ABC knows--all about football.

9 pm--see above.

10 pm--48 Hours Mysteries. Is this a news show? Is it an updated version of In Search Of? Is it some sort of Dateline hybrid with America's Most Wanted? WHAT IS THIS SHOW ABOUT?!!

If you don't know that the only truly relevant thing on CBS on Sunday nights is 60 minutes, then I don't know what to tell you. And if you further don't realize that the only REALLY relevant portion of 60 Minutes is Andy Rooney's rant at the end . . . well then, just turn in your TV to the nearest Goodwill center and bone up on your reading, okay?

Still, I have friends that like The Amazing Race [premieres 9/27 @ 8 pm], so I am letting them know that here. And there is a new show called Three Rivers [premieres 10/4 @ 9 pm] that is about transplant doctors who struggle with the unfair hospital life and yada, yada. I've said it before and I'll say it again . . . why the constant hospital dramas? Is the only type of doctor not profiled in these things podiatrists? And if not, why not?

And lastly, Cold Case [premieres 9/27 @ 10 pm].

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