Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Cell phones suck!

This is somewhat related to Flip's post . . . and Lulu's response, but I built the anger while I was driving from work to pick up Sarah at school this afternoon.

I realize that cell phones are an indispensable fact of life and I am no Luddite. I would absolutely LOVE my cell phone, but for one problem . . . I have NO WHERE to put the $#&^ thing!

I don't have a belt holder because the only kind I've ever had are the cheap clip on kind that stick halfway up my belt and dig into my torso whenever I sit down. (Yeah, I suppose I need to lose ten pounds and do some sit ups and crunches to get rid of the fat rolls above my hips. Don't change the subject!) So, I don't want my phone digging into my less-than-sculpted physique every time I sit down . . . and my job requires me to sit frequently. They've given me my own desk and everything.

OK, then what next? Put it in your bag? Well, that defeats the purpose of the phone's portability, doesn't it? I'm not going to carry around my bag--and no, Joey, I don't care if it IS European. I'm not doing that.

Well, I could put it in my pants pocket, but here are the problems with that:

1. I've already got my keys in my left pocket--and cars today demand big heavy plasticky things to automatically open up your doors and start your engines and set off your panic alarms and water your grass and shave your face and God forbid you've got TWO modern cars with TWO big plasticky things (that cost $100 to replace if you ever lose them). So, no, that pocket's out.

2. I've usually got my iPod in my right pocket--at least when I'm walking around at the office, so I can't very well have my iPod AND my phone in there, right? (Obviously, I don't have an iPhone. Don't even suggest it unless you give me $300.)

Sure, I know that when I'm actually driving, I don't have either pocket encumbered--keys are in the ignition and iPod isn't in pocket. But then the REAL problem occurs. What if I'm driving (with phone in pocket) and I actually DO get a call? Have you tried to keep driving, snake your hand into your pocket, past my coat, around the lap belt, grabbing the phone--that's already on the third ring now . . . hurry up or it's going to voicemail, nope, got to unhook the seat belt--YES, kids I know my seat belt isn't on, but I've got to get this phone call. Crap, I can't get it, it's wedged sideways in my pants and the pocket is all bunched up. Almost got it . . . shoot . . . gotta open it up, click seatbelt, turn down radio . . . WAIT, hit the brakes!!

Aww crap! Went to voicemail.


David said...

The real tragedy here is that, even if I did have a useful place to keep my phone on me, I hardly ever get calls.

So, it sits in Lynda's handy purse pocket, an entire floor away from me.

And we finally selected a nice ringtone, too.

Anonymous said...

Someone get Burb a pair of cargo pants for Christmas! Camo would be best, I think, to hide Commando's expensive gadgets.

Or you could be like Gareth in the British version of "The Office" and wear a cell phone holster. Don't be surprised when I call you, though, just to call you a "CENSORED".


Sven Golly said...

This is an interesting LUGGAGE problem! If you check out our vest department, I'm sure you'll find a satisfactory selection of multipocket outerwear that will be more than adequate for all your wireless hardware. If people think you're going fishing, that's their problem.

David said...

That is an excellent idea, Sven.
I'll look into that.

Sven Golly said...

WOW, just look at all those POCKETS!