Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Goodbye Old Navy . . . we'll miss you.

MAN! I have struggled to post this message for almost an entire day! DAMN you Blogger!

Certainly the big news for now is the announced departure of Old Navy from The Corporation. She had given me advanced warning, so I had more time than others to get "used" to the idea, but that doesn't make the impact of it any less significant. While I can probably promise you that I will in this post make some stupid jokes and lame witticisms regarding her leaving, you should know that I am extremely sorry to see her go. While I believe her decision to join forces with Rival Corporation #3 is good for her, it is definitely BAD for me . . . and bad for the Lunch Bunch.

Old Navy, you WILL be missed on a daily basis. We will miss your backward skirts, your pseudo-sailor outfit, your questionable choice of blouses. We will miss many things about you.

Certainly those members of the napkin contract are sure gonna miss that sweet payout of $50 that was due to us in May of 2009. Come on, what say we all gather together somwhere in the spring of that year and enjoy lunch courtesy of Old Navy? I bet she will be able to afford it by then--if Rival Corporation #3 doesn't go belly up or something in the interim.

In some sense (which is meaningless to everyone but me) all is not completely lost. I was lucky enough to inherit what I have decided to name the "What the Hell" plant. I wonder, however, if it will be able to survive away from its picturesque window view. I hope that it will bounce back from this latest trauma. I promise to give it a good home.

Other interesting bits of news regarding Old Navy's departure? Well, I do have one interesting story to relate, which occurred to me in the hour after Old Navy was officially escorted from the building (or possibly during her scouring session during the HR exit interview). I went into the bathroom . . . for some silent weeping in private. The Corporation's new CFO was in there along with DKNY. Well, New CFO and DKNY were talking about CFO getting used to the new company and living conditions and whatnot. New CFO finished his business, leaving me and DKNY.

DKNY, oh so casually, asked me in a questioning tone if I had just recently moved? I confirmed that Tegan and I had indeed just moved a few months ago to a home in the beautiful suburbs. DKNY further questioned me about why we had decided to move . . . was it because of superior schools, maybe or closer to work? Hmmm?

By now, my suspicious nature was wondering if he was concerned that I too was contemplating a defection from The Corporation. Maybe I had also been head-hunted by those greedy jerks over at Rival Corporation #3?! Playing it cool (naturally) I chit-chatted with DKNY, all the while wondering if my interior suspicions might possibly be correct. Of course, DKNY quickly explained (with no prompting) that he was only asking because New CFO was new to the area and was looking for places to settle in and set up his own permanent residence. True or simply a plausible cover story? Who knows?

Why do I tell you this? Well, I guess because the ONLY good thing that can come out of Old Navy's departure is that is helps awaken people in the office to the problems around us. A great deal of personnel turnover has occurred in the past year-and-a-half and things have simply been too damn busy for that to really make an impact. The makeup of the department is significantly different than the one that did so well in 2003, but do any of the people in charge really see that?

They probably do SEE it, but do they know what these changes mean? I can't pretend to know the exact reasons in the hearts and minds of those who left (and were forced to leave) during this time, but does it concern anyone in authority? Realistically, it probably doesn't matter, as long as profits continue--right? After all, this is a businss and not a social club. But, if the people doing the work are stressed, angry, depressed, and embittered, isn't the work going to suffer?

After it all happened, Jack Thunder called me to see what the mood was like. I had to confess that I didn't feel a significant shift in the mood at all. This could be for a few reasons:

1) I am shitty at observing such things, even if I didn't go and speak to everyone in the department.
2) Having already known that Old Navy was preparing to leave, I did not accurately assess the shock that it caused.
3) Everyone is simply too busy and perfered to focus on all the work we have to do.
4) No one loss can't be solved with the addition of four peons. (Maybe this is the view of management, or maybe this is simply the knee-jerk decision that we've all come to expect.)
I don't know what the real answer is.

I do know that MANY people are saddened today.
I know that the Lunch Bunch has lost an extremely important and founding member.
I know that the napkin contract will sit alongside the "Jack Thunder Memorial Articulated Document Holder."
I know that Rival Corporation #3 is a little bit better off now than it was yesterday.
I know that nothing that I have typed is as good as what is in my head and what I have been trying to put into my mental draft all day long.
I know that the fireman picture that accompanies this website will have special poignancy for me from now on.

See you later Old Navy . . . I hope that Rival Corporation #3 doesn't ask you to tie any sheep-shank knots, because I STILL don't believe you learned how to do those things while supposedly serving our country all those years ago.


A P said...

Rival Corporation #3 is truly the winner in this case.

As for H-monkey (aka. "The Shirtless Wonder"), I am one sad panda.

Anonymous said...

i know the cellblock is a bit sad, but you can rest assured that Old Navy is in a better place. nothing can match the Studio54-meets-Deseret -like social scene we used to have, but . . . ...well, just insert something buddhist here about life as flow and whatnot.

and, Shirtless, i'd start counting your days. those sunny window seats are not permanent. perhaps it's that view of the "outside" that changes you. but i guess you have 2-3 years to ponder it. in the meantime, build up your 401K and steal lots of pens.

farewell, Old Navy. send up a flag every now and then to keep us posted.

=========================Jack Thunder