Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Hey Girlfriend!

"You're, like, one of the luckiest girls EVER! You've been chosen to get a sneak peek of our brand new movie, Masquerade Madness (TM), on DVD! It's an ultra-cool story of five best friends (named--sadly--Barbie, Chelsea, Madison, Delancey, and Nolee) living in the big city! It's got fab costume parties, crushes on cuties, and ooh . . . the drama!"
"After the show, hang with us at myscene.com! We'll show you the NEW My Scene (TM) Masquerade Madness (TM) dolls! Plus, we've got tons of fashion 'n beauty games for you to play, and cool shows for you to watch. So ask your mom or dad to help you log on to myscene.com! See you there!"

Your friends 4-ever
The My Scene(TM) Gang!"

**********************
Well, given these blandishments, what more could any self-respecting "super-hip girl" ask for? I decided to check out their scene and experience the Masquerade Madness of the gang. Tremble now as we follow the convoluted story of Chelsea, the fashion designer who is failing math; Nolee, the Asian girl who is in touch with her spiritual side and (gasp!) excels at math; Barbie, the confident unofficial leader of the gang; Delancey, the one who can't keep a secret, and Madison, the one who isn't Caucasian.
So, the gang has luckily managed to convince their school to let them all work together on the same community service project--helping put on a fashion show for them, their guy friends (Hudson, Sutton, River, and Ellis), and their pets, in order to help raise money for the animal shelter. We don't want to be responsible for euthanizing the unwanted and dirty pets, now do we? It would totally ruin my scene.
But, don't forget . . . the drama! Chelsea, the one responsible for the costume-making, is failing math. She won't tell the rest of the gang that, because it makes her feel like a total loser. But she is secretly enlisting the help of crushable Hudson to help her. To maintain the deception, she asks him to pose as her boyfriend--which he is TOTALLY willing to do! (Squweee!) ALSO, the rest of the gang is secretly planning a surprise birthday party for Chelsea, whose ACTUAL birthday is more than two weeks away. She'll never suspect if they throw it early! But don't let Delancey spill the beans. You know she can't be trusted to keep a secret, right?!
And, the gang have the perfect place for the party--at Madison's dad loft! It is the coolest place, totally hip, and there are NEVER any parents around anywhere!
So, all plans are progressing. But Chelsea is struggling to maintain the charade with Hudson, find time to study, make the costumes, and squeeze in time to shop for hip clothes and makeup. Harsh! (She might also have to make her own dinner and earn her own money, since there are never parents around . . . bummer!)
Chels' is so stressed, she tells the gang she will have to drop out of the fashion show--but she won't say why!! (remember . . . the drama?) Finally, Hudson explains what is really going on and quick as a wink, Nolee and her computer like, yoga-sittin', aura-cleansing, vaguely Asian brain arrive to make Chelsea see that it's okay if you aren't good at math. Nolee reminds her that she is ACTUALLY great at math--she cuts out clothing patterns all the time, right? It's just that she doesn't recongnize the similarities between the fashion and the math theory when its in a textbook (its ALWAYS the textbook's fault, right gang?).
After a brief, animated musical montage of study, costuming creating, and other stuff, Chelsea has realized that like all modern girls, she can and MUST do it all! Which she does with aplomb. The fashion show goes off with nary a hitch and the gang successfully surprise her with the surprise Masquerade party at the bitchin' (and totally parent-free) loft!
It's great to be a Mattel product, and I hope that someday, my two daughters will ascribe to the motto of these girls--"My city, my style, my scene."

4 comments:

flipper said...

Wow, that's like, totally cool! I was havin' a bummer day, but now I'm like totally propped up cuz I see that my problems are, like, totally tiny compared to what these bitchin' babes are havin' to deal with! Thanks, burb--you have totally MADE A DIFFERENCE in my day!!

lulu said...

Rad! Mine, too! That entry was, like, so sick! And you know that nothing makes me feel better than reading about how mega corporations spend millions of dollars (that could be going to help the refugees in Sudan, you know) brainwashing our strong yet vulnerable girls into feeling really bad about their bodies and, to make up for it, teaching them to immerse themselves into a world of fake friends and consumerism. AWESOME!

Anonymous said...

Thank God for boys, or I never would have passed Math class!

Stevey said...

I said it when I found out about Nick Berg, and that statement also applies to this article.


These are some dark dark days for America.