Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Part 4 of Dean's Ridiculously Long GoT Overview

credit: hbo.com
THE ARRYNS AND THEIR VASSELS

Lysa Arryn, sister of Catleyn Stark, widow of Jon Arryn, mother of Robin Arryn
Status: Alive, about to be wooed by Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish
Why she matters: She’s crazy. Also she refuses to choose a side in the War of Five Kings.


 Vardis Egen, novice aviator
Status: Dead, took a trip through the moon door courtesy of Bronn
Why he matters: Had he defeated Bronn, Tyrion Lannister would have taken flight through the moon door instead.

Jon Arryn, husband of Lysa Arryn, father of Robin Arryn, Lord of the Eyrie, Hand of the King
Status: Dead, of very suspicious circumstances
Why he matters: His notes help Eddard Stark realize that Robert’s children are not Baratheons. His death leads Eddard to become Hand of the King setting off the events of the show.

Robin Arryn, son of Jon and Lysa Arryn, Lord Paramount of the Vale
Status: Alive, at the Eyrie
Why he matters: This poor child with a crazy mother. He has no chance.

Mord, jailer of the Eyrie
Status: Alive, at the Eyrie
Why he matters: He helps Tyrion get a trial. He is now a wealthy jailor.

Ser Hugh of the Vale, unaccomplished jouster, squire to Jon Arryn
Status: Dead, killed by Gregor Clegane during a joust
Why he matters: His death leads Barristan Selmy and Varys to conclude that he had something to do with the death of Jon Arryn and he was killed to prevent him from talking.

credit: www.hbo.com
THE TULLYS THEIR VASSALS AND OTHER ALLIES        

Hoster Tully, father of Edmure Tully, Catelyn Stark, and Lysa Arryn
Status: Dead, but of old age! That’s an achievement!
Why he matters: His son is now head of the House Tully. Well, that line is going nowhere fast.

Brynden “the Blackfish” Tully, uncle of Edmure Tully, Catelyn Stark, and Lysa Arryn, brother of Hoster Tully
Status: Alive, running from the Red Wedding
Why he matters: He’s much cooler than Edmure Tully. He knows the most opportune moments to have to pee.

Edmure Tully, son of Hoster Tully, brother of Catelyn Stark and Lysa Arryn
Status: Alive, hostage at the Twins
Why he matters: He sucks. At least he married the hottest Frey. His marriage turns into the Red Wedding.

Jaremy Mallister,
knight of House Mallister
Status: Dead, killed at Harrenhall on the orders of Gregor Clegane
Why he matters: Gregor Clegane does not recognize the Geneva Conventions.

Jonos Bracken, head of House Bracken
Status: Alive, fighting for the Starks
Why he matters: He’s literally the only vassal of the Tully’s we meet other than Walder Frey. For a major house we sure don’t know a lot about their lands.

Kurleket, knight of House Bracken
Status: Dead, killed by hill tribesmen on the way to the Eyrie
Why he matters: Did you know he had a name? I didn’t. I learned something. He probably has a family. You couldn’t even remember his name or who he served. We’re all monsters.

credit: www.hbo.com
THE FREYS (OH I’VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE)

Lord Walder Frey, Lord of the Twins, father and grandfather of numerous Frey spawn.
Status: Alive, lording it up at Twins
Why he matters: Do you like the Starks? Well, he killed them all. I hope you’re happy. George R.R. Martin kills everything you love. Stop loving people.

Joyeuse Erenford, wife of Lord Walder Frey
Status: Dead, throat slit by Catelyn Stark
Why she matters: Catelyn Stark was not joking. RIP Joyeuse Erenford, you probably led a terrible life. May you never meet another Frey.

Roslin Frey, daughter of Walder Frey, wife of Edmure Tully
Status: Alive
Why she matters: Her marriage to Edmure Tully is the Red Wedding.

“Fat Walda” Bolton, wife of Roose Bolton, granddaughter of Waldrer Frey
Status: Alive, married to Roose Bolton the poor girl
Why she matters: Roose Bolton got her weight in silver as dowry. Roose Bolton is now rich.

Stevron Frey, eldest son of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why he matters: He’ll be Lord of the Twins when Walder Frey dies. Walder Frey will never die.

Walder Rivers, bastard of Walder Frey and a milkmaid
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why he matters: So many Freys

Lothar Frey, son of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why he matters: He hired the “musicians” for the Red Wedding. He stabs Talisa in the stomach at the Red Wedding.

Olyvar Frey, son of Walder Frey, squire to Robb Stark
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why he matters: His knighthood is part of the agreement for Robb Stark’s army to pass the Twins. So many Freys.

Waldron Frey, son of Walder Frey, betrothed to Arya Stark
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why he matters: He’s betrothed to Arya Stark. Good luck with that.

Walda Frey, daughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Derwa Frey, daughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Waldra Frey, daughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Shirei Frey, daughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark couldn’t have married her. She’s too young. So many Freys.

Janeya Frey, granddaughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Neyela Frey, granddaughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Serra Frey, granddaughter of Walder Frey, twin of Sarra Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her or her twin Sarra Frey, or both as far as Walder Frey cared. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Sarra Frey, granddaughter of Walder Frey, twin of Serra Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her or her twin Serra Frey, or both as far as Walder Frey cared. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Marianne Frey, granddaughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Freya Frey, granddaughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

Merry Frey, granddaughter of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why she matters: Robb Stark could have married her. He didn’t. Red Wedding. So many Freys.

“Black Walder” Frey, great-grandson of Walder Frey
Status: Alive, at the Twins
Why he matters: He’s the one who kills Catelyn Stark

THERE ARE OTHER FREYS IN THE WORLD. SO MANY FREYS.

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