Monday, March 31, 2014

Part 3 of Deans's Ridiculously Long GoT Overview

credit: hbo.com
THE LANNISTERS AND THEIR VASSELS

Cersei Lannister, widow of Robert Baratheon, lover of Jaime Lannister, mother of Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen Baratheon, daughter of Tywin Lannister, sister of Jaime and Tyrion Lannister.
Status: Alive, being terrible in King’s Landing
Why she matters: Joffrey didn’t get that way by accident. Look at her be nominally less awful than her son.

Jamie Lannister, Kingsguard of Joffrey Baratheon, lover of Cersei Lannister, father of Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen Bartheon, son of Tywin Lannister, brother of Cersei and Tyrion Lannister.
Status: Alive, but down a hand at King’s Landing
Why he matters: He killed King Aerys II Targaryen, fathered King Joffrey Baratheon, and has gradually made a heel turn. Everybody loves a good heel turn.

Tyrion Lannister, former Hand of the King, brother of Jaime and Cersei Lannister, son of Tywin Lannister, husband to Sansa Stark
Status: Alive! Trying to convince Sansa Stark he is not a monster. After the Red Wedding this effort is going poorly.
Why he matters: He’s the only Lannister likable from the beginning. Although we all want Joffrey deposed, it gives some pause when you realize what is likely to happen to Tyrion if that does come to pass.

Tywin Lannister, father of Jaime, Cersei, and Tyrion Lannister, Hand of the King
Status: Alive, doing what he can as Hand of the King trying to minimize how awful King Joffrey is.
Why he matters: Well his presence certainly explains how he kids got the way they are. Also the Arya and Tywin show was pretty great wasn’t it?

Joffrey Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, son of Cersei and Jaime Lannister, the worst.
Status: Alive, King of Westeros, the worst of the worst.
Why he matters: He is the worst and everybody wants him dead, probably even Cersei, even though she wouldn’t admit it.

Myrcella Baratheon, daughter of Cersei and Jaime Lannister
Status: Alive, hanging out in Dorne.
Why she matters: She’s not Joffrey and is not the worst.

Tommen Baratheon, youngest son of Cersei and Jaime Lannister
Status: Alive! Hanging out in King’s Landing
Why he matters: Hey if Joffrey died, Tommen would be King. That wouldn’t be so bad, Tommen seems cool.

Lancel Lannister, squire to Robert Baratheon, son of Kevan Lannister, brother of Martyn an Wilem Lannister
Status: Alive. Having gross sex with his cousin and being a knight.
Why he matters: He helps kill Robert Baratheon by serving him fortified wine on a hunt. While Jaime Lannister is captured he takes Jaime’s place as Cersei Lannister’s lover.

Kevan Lannister, brother to Tywin Lannister, father of Lance, Martyn, and Wilem Lannister
Status: Alive, fighting some Starks.
Why he matters: He gives advice to Tywin. His sons die. He doesn’t appear to be the worst.

Harys Swyft, grandfather of Lancel, Martyn, and Wilem Lannister, father-in-law to Kevan Lannister
Status: Alive
Why he matters: Without his daughter Lancel wouldn’t exist. Honestly I shouldn’t even mention him. But I said I would mention everyone with a name who appeared on-screen and…sigh.

Shae, prostitute, handmaiden
Status: Alive! Waiting on Sansa Stark
Why she matters: She seems to love Tyrion and he loves her. She is jealous of Sansa Stark. Tyrion’s father has threatened to kill her.

Podrick Payne, squire of Tyrion Lannister
Status: Alive! He’s one of the few Lannister loyalists to receive an exclamation point for still existing.
Why he matters: He saves Tyrion Lannister’s life when Ser Mandon Moore attempts to murder him. He is good at sex.

Martyn Lannister, brother of Wilem and Lancel Lannister, son of Kevan Lannister
Status: Dead, killed by Rickard Karstark
Why he matters: His death leads to the beheading of Rickard Karstark, which leads to the desertion of the Karstark army, which leads to Robb Stark attending the Red Wedding.

Wilem Lannister, brother of Martyn and Lancel Lannister, son of Kevan Lannister
Status: Dead, killed by Rickard Karstark
Why he matters: His death leads to the beheading of Rickard Karstark, which leads to the desertion of the Karstark army, which leads to Robb Stark attending the Red Wedding.

Alton Lannister, cousin of Jaime Lannister
Status: Dead, killed by Jaime Lannister
Why he matters: He deliever’s Robb Stark’s demands to Cersei Lannister. Also Jaime Lannister is now a kinslayer along with being a kingslayer. Jaime Lannister doesn’t care.

Reginald Lannister, cousin of Lord Tywin Lannister
Status: Alive, somewhere in the Westerlands
Why he matters: Tywin Lannister hates him because he is an idiot. He gets sent home from the war for being dumb.

Leo Lefford, vassal of House Lannister
Status: Alive, fighting some Starks.
Why he matters: He exists and has a name. He kills Starks probably, although we never see it.

Adam Marbrand, vassal of House Lannister
Status: Alvie, fighting some Starks
Why he matters: He exists and has a name. He kills Starks probably, although we never see it.

The Tickler, torturer
Status: Dead! Killed by Jaqen H’ghar as one of the names named by Arya Stark
Why he matters: Medieval torture is particularly gruesome. His death at the hands of Jaqen shows that Braavosi have hidden talents.

Amory Lorch, knight of House Lorch, sworn to the Lannisters
Status: Dead! Killed by Jaqen H’ghar as one of the names named by Arya Stark
Why he matters: He killed Yoren, and discovers Arya with a stolen letter, which leads to his death by Jaqen H’ghar. Don’t mess with Arya or Jaqen.

Gregor Clegane, the Mountain that Rides, brother of Sandor Clegane
Status: Alive. Killing people around Westeros.
Why he matters: He’s killed Beric Dondarrion at least once. He is so large he called the Mountain that Rides.

Bronn, Knight Bronn!
Status: Alive, hanging around King’s Landing
Why he matters: He fought for Tyrion Lannister at the Eyrie and his skilled fighting meant Tyrion could go free. He is generally pretty awesome.

Rorge, gross man
Status: Alive, hanging around Harrenhal
Why he matters: He seems to like Biter. He yells at Arya Stark. He should die for yelling at Arya Stark especially after she saved his life.

Biter, he’s a biter.
Status: Alive, hanging around Harrenhal
Why he matters: Those teeth! Who would file their teeth like that?

credit: www.therpf.com
THE KINGSGUARD

Mandon Moore, Knight of the Kingsguard
Status: Dead, killed by Podrick Payne
Why he matters: He tried to kill Tyrion Lannister.  He also strips and beats Sansa Stark at the behest of Joffrey Baratheon.  I’m glad he’s dead. All hail Pod!

Boros Blount, Knight of the Kingsguard
Status: Alive, guarding Joffrey Baratheon
Why he matters: He’s protecting Joffrey.

Preston Greenfield, Knight of the Kingsguard
Status: Alive, guarding Joffrey Baratheon
Why he matters: He’s protecting Joffrey.

Arys Oakheart, Knight of the Kingsguard
Status: Alive, guarding Myrcella Baratheon in Dorne
Why he matters: He’s guarding Myrcella, leaving Joffrey with one fewer guard. Hurrah!

Meryn Trant, Knight of the Kingsguard
Status: Alive, guarding Joffrey Baratheon
Why he matters: He maybe killed Cyrio Forel. He beat Sansa Stark. He’s a real winner.

Balon Swann, Knight of the Kingsguard
Status: Alive, guarding Joffrey Baratheon
Why he matters: Honestly, he hasn’t appeared by name, so he doesn’t matter. But he is the one who replaces Mandon Moore, and there are only seven kingsguard members so I thought I’d call him out.

(Other members of the Kingsguard include: Jaime Lannister, see THE LANNISTERS, THEIR VASSELS, AND OTHERS IMPORTANT TO THEM, Barristan Selmy, see OVER THE SEA, and Sandor Clegane, see INDEPENDENT ACTORS)

No comments: