Friday, July 25, 2008

Stronger, Faster, Surlier

I like Seth Stevenson. He writes lots of great articles in his Ad Report feature for Slate. But he went and slandered the 1996 Atlanta Olympic games.

I KNOW that the Atlanta Games were disappointing--especially to disowned former IOC fuhrer Juan Antonio Samaranch. I know Coke had too much say in that (and every) Games. I KNOW Izzy the mascot was one of the most spectacular mascot failures ever--as you admit all Olympic mascots. I know, to my shame, that Chevy trucks were prominently featured in the Opening Ceremonies.

But, for Seth to call Atlanta "a backwater of a town smaller than, I'm not kidding, at least 25 Chinese cities you've never even heard of . . ." well, that's going too far!

Seth, haven't you seen the Futurama "The Deep South" episode? Don't you know that Atlanta is best described as follows:

"Atlanta was a city, landlocked, hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean, yet so desperate the city's desire for tourism, that they moved offshore, becoming an island, and an even bigger Delta hub, until the city over-developed and it started to sink, knowing their fate, the quality people ran away, Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy, the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the magician and the other so-called Gods of our legends, though Gods they were, and also Jane Fonda was there."

"So, Fry, Atlanta was an American city in your time?"

"I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts."

"No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis, the equal of Paris or New York."

"That's right, honey! Whatever you say."

"Look at these fabulous ruins. Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant, the, uh, the airport."

We're all deeply sad that the Olympics didn't meet the high standards of the crooks and swindlers that run the IOC. But only us rednecks are allowed to criticize Atlanta, and then we confine the complains to the temperature, the traffic, and Mike Hampton.

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