Saturday, May 13, 2006


The season two finale of LOST is approaching and even if I didn't know this, Entertainment Weekly would have let me know it, because the magazine didn't feature just one LOST cover, not even two, or three, but FOUR covers on the cast of LOST.

And since three-quarters of the fun of LOST is trying to decode the secret symbols and hidden messages behind every action, twitch, and blink of the cast, I figured it would be worthwhile to deconstruct the various covers and see what they might tell us about the cast dynamic, the life on the island, what happened during the second season, or simply who has the best agent.

First up, the actual primary cover of the magazine (and therefore the BEST cover).

Here we've got Jack front and center, flanked with Mr. Eko and Locke. I initially called this cover the "Look, We're Important!" cover. These three have been at the center of most of the big events and plotlines this season. Season Two was all about integrating the Tailies and dealing with the reality of the Hatch. That means Locke the Disillusioned Button Pusher and Mr. Eko the Searching for Redemption Ex-Warlord.

This cover also features the only two living people (that we know of) that have seen Lostzilla face-to-face--Eko and Locke. But it also features Jack, who (outside of Locke) has undergone the largest transformations this season, from trusted and reluctant leader to disgruntled a**hole. (Sorry, but Jack's been nothing but angry all year long.)

I'm calling Cover #2 "We So Sexy, Version 1."

Three of the best looking castaways are shown here . . . Kate wearing a leather top, flanked by Sun and Jin. My first reaction is honest dumbfoundedness at Sun. I mean, really . . . is the Dharma-brand food doing something to her chest? Could she only find Fifties Era torpedo bras in the wreckage? Seriously, girl, rein those in!!!

But why is Kate between Jin and his wife? And why is Sun facing in a different direction (other than the obvious puncture wound threat)? Does this serve as confirmation that she DID have an affair or that her pregnancy was not initiated by Jin?

Cover #3 is called "We So Sexy, Version 2."

Everybody loves bad-boy Sawyer, even though he is incapable of speaking in anything but snarky comebacks. Everyone USED to love Sayid . . . but he's been so criminally underused this season that his sexiness has waned a bit. Michael has also been missing most of this season and when he is around, he either screaming about WAAAALLTTTT or randomly shooting the innocent (neither of which are particularly sexy actions, I admit).

BUT . . . the actors are indeed good looking.

Cover #4 is called "Hey! We Used to Be Important!"

(You could also call it the Also-Rans, but that would be mean.)

Hurley, Claire, and poor, lost Charlie used to be integral members of the weekly cast, at least trusted to provide a humorous turn of phrase. But now they are hardly around at all. Frankly, I'd be worried that they might be next on the Dead List, which would make me sad. I really like Charlie when he's not acting like a sourpuss, childnapping, Sun-kidnapping git. Hurley is always fun . . . when he's not diminished by making him an excuse for fat jokes, and Claire . . well, I like Claire mostly because she can draw Locke away from the Button a bit and because as long as she's alive, the promise of more William Mapother flashbacks remains alive as well.

So there you have it.

Draw your own conclusions.

Just don't let Sun get too close to you without putting on safety glasses. You have been warned!

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