There is a particular guy at work. I see him in the side halls on my floor, most often when I am going to and from the restroom and he is likewise going to and from the restroom. I do not know him. I have never spoken to him. But . . . for some reason, when I walk past him I feel like I should speak to him, smile more obviously, say hello, or in some significant way, acknowledge him.
Why this person and not any of the other people that I pass in similar circumstances, other people that I do not know at all?
The answer to that question is likely an uncomfortable one for me and my psyche and I need to confront those parts of my personality that I hide, that I don't acknowledge, that I wish were not true. This particular guy is more like me than others. We are not the same. But we are not obviously different. We share similar skin tone. We (probably?) share similar language. We have a better chance of sharing similar life/cultural experiences. (Though . . . since I've never spoken to him, I could be quite right wrong in this assumption.)
Otherwise . . . I still don't know why this particular guy. Something about him seems quiet, timid, closed-in. So, why would I be (even slightly) drawn to him? It's probably not altruism. Is it a subtle need to be superior?
(As I said, confronting these impulses only dregs up my worst qualities. Those parts I don't' want to think and talk about.)
And yet, not admitting that these thoughts exist is not good. We can never change and grow and improve ourselves if we aren't honest first with who we actually are instead of who we imagine ourselves to be.
I don't know if I'll confront this particular guy in the hallways--either next week or next month. I doubt I'll stop him while he's on the way to the bathroom and try to really get to know him. You just don't do that sort of thing when you know someone is heading to The Facilities. But maybe I can start small with a genuine smile and direct eye contact. If I happen to cross paths with him in the coffee room, I should say "Hello" and try to have a bit of small talk. Or maybe I can invite him to play some ping pong in the old converted conference room? And then maybe the next time the company has an ice cream social, I can find him and begin an actual conversation.
How might that go? Probably pretty awkwardly. But even awkward things can be good things. Making assumptions will get me nowhere with him and no further in life.
Anyway . . . something for me to think about.
Thanks for stopping by this week. And until next Saturday, please remember . . . no one cares if you think you know whether your alma mater is going to cover the spread with a last-second field goal conversion.
Get out there and pick some apples instead.
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