Saturday, September 02, 2023

Football Counter-Programming 2023: Week 1


What time is it?

It's Counter-Programming time!

College Football is on the air this week--trying to sneak games into the weekdays and thinking I wouldn't notice. But the jokes on it. I'm once again beginning my ever-successful efforts to make you do/think something other than watch college football. 

Don't think I've been successful over the last few years? 

Well, look at what my efforts have actually done! I've single-handedly destroyed the conference structure that governed college football for generations. Who did it? Me, that's who. College football is an operation in name only. It's just football. I'm whittling it down bit by bit with slow and steady and unrelenting pressure. Just like a tiny drop of water working it way through a crack in a concrete dam. Soon I'll bust it open from the inside and the whole superstructure will come fall down and the attention span of millions of sports fans will sweep across the national landscape like floodwaters searching for new level ground. And who will be their new messiah in their time of need?!


Lynda walked in a few moments ago and asked what I was "looking at." I told her that I was writing a blog post. She made a surprised noise and then said "Huh. Can't remember the last time you did that." But she has fallen asleep like everyone else. I'm still here and still pushing. The dam is weakening!


Remember in the earliest days of WWYG?! when I tracked celebrity deaths. Just as a thing to do. And I usually made a comedic (??) reference to whether or not the death in question was part of some master plan of Tom Cruise. Because in the end, there can be only one. And let's be honest. I'll probably be Tom Cruise.

Well, what do you think Cruise had against Jimmy Buffett? (Not that I am any sort of fan of Margaritaville the restaurant chain or Buffett's particular version of Anglo-Caribbean kick back and drink music. (Is that it's genre?) 

My working theory on a Saturday morning? The plot for the next James Bond movie somehow involved a stop over in the Caribbean. And the film's producers had already gotten the necessary tax breaks and government approvals from the various nations of the region. 

But everything still had to be rubberstamped by the main Parrothead himself. And Cruise heard that the final approvals were imminent. So he stepped in (in the most Cruise-like extreme way) to single-handedly derail the movie's progress. Because just as their can be only one celebrity standing, there can be only one spy thriller movie franchise standing. 

And Cruise will make sure that it is Mission: Impossible. He's literally killing himself to make it possible. And if he is willing to do that to himself, then what will he do to others to get what he wants? Broccoli family, you should have been on notice long before now. But keep one eye open at night going forward. 

Cruise is out there.

So . . . that's it for this week.

Have you been sufficiently Counter-Programmed?!? 

What else will you be doing today instead of cheering on the team that has already spent your tuition/alumni money. (It won't even pay for the towels in the weight room these days.) Go pick some apples, drink a bit of iced cider. Dig out the sweater vests you stored away in April. You're gonna be needing them soon.

And remember that your alma mater doesn't need you. It just needs to stay of Mr. Cruise's good side.

Until next week!

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