Sunday, March 24, 2013

The Only Cemetery in New York

So, tonight I was watching Spiderman (the Tobey Maguire version) with Sarah and Grace. Well, to be more truthful, I had been watching The Walking Dead upstairs and they were watching it downstairs. But I got done with my episode at 10 pm (The girls are on spring break, so don't judge me . . . they don't have school tomorrow.) and came downstairs during the last fifteen minutes of the movie.

You remember those last fifteen minutes, right? The Green Goblin gives Spidey the ultimatum between the car of New York kids or Mary Jane on the precipice of the George Washington Bridge. Spidey somehow manages--with the post-September 11th help of New Yorkers everywhere--to save everyone and then he and Gobby face off in the ruins of a stone church yard or something. Monologues are said, blows are exchanged, and Green Goblin/Mr. Osbourne are impaled on the sharp end of the Goblin Wing.

After Spiderman delivers the dead body to Franco, we dissolve to the grave-side service of one of New York's most wealthy businessman. (Remember that Norman Osbourne is a tycoon's tycoon. The OsCorp building has HIS name on it. And remember also that no one but Peter knows that Norman was the Green Goblin . . . at least no one still alive.) So, when you bury someone that important in New York, it's probably in a pretty swanky cemetery, right?

This photo doesn't tell us much. But given what we know about the Osbournes our thoughts on the subject must be sound right? After Harry Osbourne thanks God for Peter, echoing the words of his psychotic dad, Peter decides to think about how his new role as Spiderman is affecting the lives of these around him. And this naturally--since he's surrounded by death right now--makes him think of Uncle Ben.

I''m sorry I let you die Uncle Ben. I know that with great power comes great responsibility. You taught me that. Wait . . . hold on. Peter, how did you get here to Uncle Ben's grave? Weren't you just at the Osbourne funeral?

Oh, and here comes Mary Jane, right as I'm talking to Uncle Ben's head stone. Wait, hang on. How did YOU get here MJ? And why are we wearing the same clothes that we were wearing at Norman Osbourne's funeral? Wait, you mean billionaire corporate mogul Norman Osbourne was born in the same cemetery as semi-penniless handy man Ben Parker? How does that make even a little bit of sense?

See ya later Mary Jane. I've got to have some strong words with Aunt May about where all that money is hidden.

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